I know it's a silly title, but that's what's going on here today. It's absolutely beautiful here, around 70 degrees and I've been out cleaning my garden beds. And as I gardened my mind wandered, as it is want to do, and I started giggling, and then outright laughing as I remembered a blog I'd read recently at The River Cottage Diaries. The blog entry was Which Five Celebrities Would You Punch. It was hilarious! She'd smack The Kardashians, Gwyneth Paltrow, Bono, Amy Windhouse and Miranda Kerr--it was so funny that I laughed till I cried.
Well as I gardened today I got to thinking about which 5 celebrities I'd like to punch and here's my list.
Charlie Sheen: You so need someone to punch you--more than once. Oh, God, please go away, not just to rehab, but far, far away. You're not funny, you're not interesting, you're the opposite of sexy. If stupid were a drug you'd have died of an overdose years ago. No one wants anymore stories about you and your hookers or your incredible performance therein. I hope your tv show is cancelled, I hope all your equally stupid ex-wives leave the country, I hope you father disowns you, I hope you go to live in the ooze from whence you came with all the other slime dwellers.
Al Gore: You're still around way past your sell by date and you need a good swift punch. My God even Tipper got fed up and left you. Do you know how annoying you are. That you won a Nobel Peace Prize and an Academy Award just shows how bankrupt these two organizations are. You preaches about global warming and the need to save the environment while living in a 10,000 sq.ft. house that uses more electricity in a year than a small town. And that's not your only home, you own at least one more in Hollywood, where they love you. You travel in limousines and private jets never walking you lard a** anywhere. You admit that ethanol is a waste of money, that turning corn into gas drives up food prices worldwide, but you backed it to get the farmer's votes when you were running for President. Today you're telling us that our horrible winter is a product of global warming. Shut up! I don't care, if we did everything you wanted, experts say we might lower the temperature globally by about .03 degrees in 50 years or so. If you lost 50-75 lbs we might lower it ever more.
Justin Bieber: A Canadian inport that needs to be deported! He is beyond annoying, from hanging out with the Kim Kardashian, sharing his first traumatic kiss with us, visiting the incredibly tacky show Jersey Shore his every "adventure" makes the news or what passes for news any more. Isn't is wonderful what YouTube can bring us! He's listed as an R/B pop singer, what the heck is that? If I smack him they'd probably get me for child abuse so hopefully someone his own age--he's about 12 isn't he?--will nail him.
Lady Ga Ga: I thought she was a joke at first, then I found out she was real, or as real as anything in pop music is today. She makes Madonna look actually talented. Another celebrity famous for being famous, if you're outrageous enough you must be talented. Hope you all enjoyed her meat outfit as much as I did, too bad some cow didn't run her over.
Well I only came up with celebrities to smack, but I'm sure that's lots more of them who need it. What do you think?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
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