Friday, December 18, 2009

Hunting Kisses With Miss Daisy

Here it is Christmas '09 already, I remember our first Christmas here in '03, we'd been here 6 months and had made some new friends, all certified and bona fide rednecks, and quite proud of it.  No Feng Shue here, just good ol' common sense, Sushi was the girl next door, after a few beers.  We had been invited to a few Christmas parties, Bill was preparing a wild turkey he'd finally bagged after years of trying, Owen was having a ham he'd cured from a wild boar that had wandered onto his land.  But the most surprising thing was Bubba's mistletoe display, his whole front porch was covered with it.  When asked how he had managed to get such a display, when the only mistletoe we'd seen came in little bags sold by the boy scouts, Bubba's reply was, " Man, you don't buy it, you shoot it!  You see I take my 12 gauge out in the backyard and let fly, and it rains mistletoe!"
Rains mistletoe huh?  There's mistletoe growing in our woods on the oak trees.  Hmmmm...... so there I was out in the woods with a Daisy air rifle thinking I could shoot down at least one sprig of mistletoe, no store bought mistletoe for this redneck wannabe.  But thus far I'd brought down what looked a lot like poison ivy, two pine cones, one of which bounced off my head, some round seed pods that resembled ship mines from World War II,  and I'd managed to tick off a squirrel who was now frantically taking a close inventory of his nuts.
I couldn't  really tell if my neck had gotten any redder, but I could truthfully swear to you that my b**t was turning blue, it was d**n cold out there.  So even though my mind said stick it out, my b**t said to get it back into a warm house.  Now we know who the boss is, because I was shortly back in the house with a Coffee Royale in my hand and the boss was in front of a raging fire in the fireplace.  By the way, you can buy mistletoe for $1.19 a bunch right inside the door of the nearest Piggly Wiggly.

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