Triathalon

I decided to start my own middle-aged Southern Triathalon.  I do these things every day and have decided I need some recognition.  Because I don't bike any more, we even gave away the recumbent bike I had to find an event to replace it.  So the first event will start with the 500 weed pull in the garden, the temperature must be at least 90 degrees with a humidity of at least 80%.  In addition to the 500 weeds pulled there must be a verified weight lose of 1 pound due to sweating.
The next part of the event is a 2 mile walk through partially shaded streets the majority of which may not have a breath of air.  You are allowed one bottle of water and your walking partner can not go and get the car to drive you home.
But the finale is the pool swim with a glass of sweet tea which may be consumed once you have dipped at least 75 leaves out of the pool.
That done I want my medal.