Saving the World While Pulling Weeds

It's time to go out front and pull weeds, and that's a good thing. Because pulling weeds is more than just pulling weeds. It's time to think and ponder the universe. I solve most of the world's problems while I'm weeding.
I fixed healthcare yesterday giving it to everyone who works (or has worked) and isn't an illegal, payment based on what you can afford. I've read how Congress thinks they're going to fund it and I don't believe for a second that it will cover the cost.
So to pick up the shortfall I'd add a surtax on anyone who drives an SUV that gets less than 30 miles a hour. I'd also put a surtax on whining. I'm sick of listening to people complain about things that don't matter, just shut up. The Lord takes care of those who take care of themselves.
The word "awesome" would cost you 5 cents everytime you used it, adding millions to the funding.
"High Fiving" would carry a surcharge, time to grow up and leave childish actions behind.
Using the word "space" to talk about a house would be taxable. They're rooms and areas, space is where the Enterprise goes.
Using cell phones while driving will carry a "health fine" that would be part of the funding, after all texting while driving causex accidents and that's a health problem.
I can think of lots of other ways to fund it, but what's probably going to happen is they'll tax all of us who already have it and give it to those who don't.
Anyway, that's the problem I solved yesterday, today I'll work on Afghanistan.